私の生きた証拠

Well, it HAS been some time. Life’s neither good nor bad at the moment, but I guess it is sort of getting better despite the looming CTs.

As usual, I have been getting affected by songs a lot. Today, for no apparent reason, in the middle of Warsong Gulch, 「闇を越えて」 was playing, and I more or less found myself unable to continue. I afked out and went to bed for a bit. I was surprised myself. In the past, not so long ago actually, 「闇を越えて」 had a very powerful effect on me. Whenever I listened to it too closely, I would almost always end up crying. it hasn’t happened for sometime, but the effect’s reappearance took me by surprise.

My current two temporary favorites are for unknown reasons, Nakahara Meiko’s (i didn’t bother to check out the Japanese writing for her name) ‘Dance in the Memories’, which is the 3rd ED for the Kimagure Orange Road series, and 「あなたがいた森」 by 樹海, which is the ED of Fate Stay Night. Somehow or other I love the section of 「あなたがいた森」 that runs after the vocal has ended. It’s pretty addictive, honestly. I’m still listening to ‘innocence’ by 橋本みゆき, but not as much now.

Oh I have also been playing the Soul Link game. Got the ending I wanted (Sayaka!!!), and playing the so-called ‘bonus section’ with that stupid Nanami, who in the game speaks in a frightful manner. For goodness’ sake, if my kid spoke that way I’d have her muted. Really… But I guess little girls in H-games speak that way. For crying out loud, she tries to force herself on YOU (the player, or the persona you’re playing, whichever you prefer) in the game. WTF. The other girls are all at least 16 or so, but a FRIGGING TEN YEAR OLD GIRL ASKING YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH HER IS PRETTY EXCESSIVE AND DISTURBING, isn’t it? Grrrr. I should play Da Capo. At least ALL THE GIRLS are 15 or 16 or so.

Getting disillusioned with WoW, since the stupidity of the players there have NEVER ceased to amaze me. World pvp is getting on my nerves, since FOR FUCK’S SAKE I DON”T HAVE THE TIME TO WASTE KICKING SOME COW’S SORRY ASS (I keep getting ganked by Tauren trying to show off their horns, udders and balls (or lack thereof)). It’s fucking lame. People about your level will go out of their way to kill you. On Detheroc they’ll look the other way or run away. SCREW BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT. AUSTRALIANS ARE MUCH MORE IDIOTIC GAMERS THAN AMERICANS EVER WERE, ARE, OR WILL BE. PERIOD. I KNOW its a a fucking PVP server but that DOESN’T give you the DIVINE RIGHT TO BE AN ASSHOLE.

Enough ranting.

I need to watch Black Lagoon and the new episode of Soul Link sometime after this. But I’ll be doing my work first.

GAH.

laters, all.

I finally configured a hotkey sequence for changing language inputs for this computer. Basically, control-shift-1 is switching to Japanese, control-shift 2 is switching back to English.

New songs on my mind lately. Currently listening to 3 of 橋本みゆき’s songs -

「screaming」 - Soul Link OP
「In the Sky」 - ED of Shuffle! (the game) and insert song in the anime
「innocence」 - ED of the Shuffle! anime

That might hint that I’m watching Shuffle! even though I am not playing the game…

And yes I’m watching Soul Link. My warlock heritage (in the form of Commander Yakumo of the Detheroc Alliance Arathi Basin Cavalry Divison, or in Japanese direct translation, デサーローク連合軍アラシー流域騎兵隊従属　八雲大佐) compels me to, plus the main girl (Sayaka, or　沙佳) is sort of cute…. xD

Oh yeah… I’m following like 6 anime series…

Fate Stay Night
Strawberry Panic
涼宮ハルヒの憂鬱
Soul Link
School Rumble
NANA

and MAYBE Disgaea (even though it sort of puts me off… sighz)

Never mind… as long as at least 1 girl is sort of cute per anime its not too bad…

Went to Kino today with Changxing. Bought myself 3 exercise books (dotz) and I swear I’ll sort of do them. I did some questions on the train; fortunately I didn’t pwn myself. Seems like I CAN study in an emergency, sort of.

Must try to get over 300 points for the upcoming level 2 [mock] test this saturday!!! Maybe I’ll request a transfer to the level 1 class, lol. So far I’m not too challenged in the level 2 class. And i want to save some valuable time…… So sianz, taking level 2 at sec 4 sucks. Bleargh. Should have started level 2 last or something.

Realized that my foundations are really poor. Been asking Changxing a lot of stupid questions, but that can’t be helped. All I can say is that his foundations seem to extraordinary good, considering that he attended a prep course and sort of learnt his Japanese all over the place. But when challenged on very fundamental things like particles he can explain them pretty well. Tell me, if I asked you to explain [in whatever language] the functions of ENGLISH particles like ‘at’ and ‘to’, are you able to? Honestly, I can’t. Lol.

Bleargh. I am like so screwed for all my subjects. Math is gone case. Geography still got hope provided I don’t flunk Greenwave. Honestly, I don’t know what sort of lame wildlife we can find in ‘overlooked’ places. I’d have to give that some though, but frankly so far I don’t have a bloody clue. Chinese can also sort of go to hell. >.< Well SS won’t be too bad, considering I sort of know all that shit about globalization even before Mr. Yuen taught them in class… I hope I don’t suddenly get a mental block during the super-important open-book test next week. I’d better prepare a list of books to bring along…

Otherwise… I am reading the translated version of 彼氏彼女の事情. Just finished like volume 14. Been reading whenever I’m free. But I fell asleep over it more than once now. Apparently, my lack of energy doesn’t even permit me to stay awake over a very nice comic book. It’s very disturbing.

I still need to think about a lot of long-term stuff, like RMUN and a little writing project I’m planning to embark on. But at the moment, I’ll settle for surviving school from day to day and passing my saturday test well.

Guess I’ll go bathe now… and fall asleep over my assessment books. Sigh…

Yes I’m still awake.

And trying to do my ERP.

While listening to the Seikai soundtracks.

Quite a fruitless attempt, but I could say that I’m sort of enjoying myself.

But it really feels quite lonely.

I guess I’ve been feeling that acutely since I finished Kimagure.

Or maybe, ever since God knows when…

Much of the Seikai music resonate with me. To date it is my favorite OST. I may prefer songs from other series, but nothing matches the soundtrack of Seikai. Not even Kajiura Yuki ones. Mai-Otome is nice, but it doesn’t even come close.

The soundtrack’s predominantly strings-based music, and that gives it a distinctly tragic quality. I’ve always had a weakness for strings. Nothing beats a string instrument at expression of pathos. As you probably know, I’m a darker sort of person. Music with a tragic, sad, lonely or reflective mood often suit my tastes. Seikai happens to fit in nicely.

I wonder what it is like to be an Abh. They call themselves ‘kin of the stars’. It is the truth. I always feel that to be an Abh is to be lonely. Bearing the guilt of long-gone ancestors, the burden of maintaining a vast empire, and to be the subject of hate and envy - that isn’t enviable in the least.

The love story set in Seikai is, if not the best, then surely the top 3 out of all those I’ve read or came into contact with in whatever media. What strikes me? It’s the tragedy. Romeo and Juliet might be a common idea of a tragedy, but guess what? It ends. And fast.

The dead can’t feel. But the living do. Just as mourning the dead is not a duty to them, but that of to the living, a love story that doesn’t end is much more touching. More so if there is not going to be a happy ending. As was clearly stated, Jinto has half the lifespan of Lafiel. After serving their Star Forces obligations, Jinto doesn’t have all that much time left. What if Lafiel was to serve as Empress? They can’t really be together, at least not for long before Jinto dies. The most tragic way to live is to be left alone after the death of your dearest one. Hence, the second half of Lafiel’s life can never be a happy one.

I don’t know why I’m thinking so much about this subject when I should be doing my work. But seriously I don’t give a ratfuck about what political system suits Rwanda or how the fuck Lee Kuan Yew grappled with issues he faced as prime minister. I don’t give a damn as to why R cos (x+a) = whatevershit. I just don’t care.

I’m being consumed by the greatest creations of people. Art, be it music, literature, music, film - they have a profound impact on me. So much so that I’m getting consumed in what I perceive to be some of Man’s greatest creations - a love story.

Yes, I loved Kimagure Orange Road. But ultimately, Seikai will have a special, immovable place in my heart. I can’t say I really identify with it, but somehow, to me, that semi-requited, pure, and perhaps doomed love is the most beautiful of all.

私は、今本当に困ってるんです。

やるべき宿題は全て全然始めないくせに、時間を潰してる。

そして、

本当に泣きたいんだ。

「きまぐれオレンジ☆ロード」第１２話からの「ジェニーナ」を聞いてる。
美しすぎる歌ですねえ…

息が止めさせた気がする。

とにかく、ここから、人生を変化したいんだ。

昔の私、昔の事、昔の間違え、全て忘れたいんです。

私はただ、一人だけじゃないかしら？