私の生きた証拠

I really can’t be bothered to come up with interesting titles anymore.

Of late my internet connection has been going screwy on me. I need to hit the refresh or go button in Firefox for at least five, if not more commonly, 20 times before anything will connect or load. This is extremely irritating as you might imagine, given that I spend so much time on the Internet opening Wikipedia windows. It is of extreme displeasure to me, as is the fact that Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri refuses to execute properly despite following proper procedures, installing the right patch, and editing stuff appropriately.

On another note, the General Paper and General Studies in Chinese examinations are to be held next Friday; I am not exactly looking forward to them, to be really honest. But somehow I get the nagging feeling that all the stuff I’ve been reading about European integration and how evil the French historically have been won’t be terribly useful.

I feel as if by not blogging I’m losing my grip on the recording of my life. If this Internet problem continues I’m probably going to have to start writing offline, which will be a real pain. But I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

On another note, my tickets to and from Japan are dated 19. Mai and 14. Juni. That’s almost a solid month in Japan. I’m really going to have to lug my books with me, and plan out what the hell I’m supposed to spend a month doing there properly. I mean - if I’m lodging in Ageo City in Saitama I can’t go gallivanting off to anywhere further than the Kanto region, nicht?

Anyway that is for another time.

I was going to write, but I was too caught up in several things to, but anyway I’m very proud to report that I have learnt the following words (and many more)!

(I shall include only things that don’t include umlauts)

Herz
Hand
Wirtschaftswunder
Einigkeit
Recht
Freiheit
Bundeskanzler(in)/(amt)

I’m too lazy to include everything, but these words are fairly important for my usage, so I’ll leave it at this.

This is a tough question, given that I recently got myself a practically brand-new computer rig (with almost-the-latest technology). And seeing blue patches on my 17″ LCD makes me feel very sad. Of course I’d like to get a new one, but something’s holding me back.

Anyway back to question. I’ve been for some time at least nominally anti-consumerist (with my sincere semi-Marxist exclamations and remarks as proof), but looking at the iPod Touches my classmates are carrying around does make me feel a little inadequate and somewhat sad. After all, I’d like to be able to read ebooks on the go, but that demand itself is I believe a manifestation of consumerist tendencies. And of late I’ve been pretty dissatisfied with my phone, since the screen’s like tiny (and the resolution’s low), and there’s no Japanese input (which annoys me to no end). All these subconscious inclinations are forcing me to re-evaluate my supposedly anti-consumerist standpoint.

I’ve been criticised for overconsumption by people I know for some time, particularly with regards to my semi-indiscriminate purchase of seiyuu magazines at extremely marked-up prices from Kinokuniya bookstore in Singapore. For the record, I now buy only about half the issues, given that there seems to be an annoying trend towards putting pictures of people I don’t care for or positively dislike on the cover (people like Miyano Mamoru and Fukuyama Jun - for goodness’ sake I’m NOT spending 23.40 to see a MALE on the cover), as well as the deliberate neglect of people I am keen to see coverage on (Ayako-sama, for example). This results in my going to Kinokuniya, and after a quick scan of the cover’s details on the contents I make a decision to buy or not to instantly based on one criterion - whether there’s coverage on Ayako-sama. If there is, I buy without hesitation. If there isn’t, 70-80% of the time I won’t buy it. Since it’s come to this, my consumption in this respect has dropped considerably, and I can almost hear the sigh of relief from my poor bookshelf (which I don’t really like due to its most irritating open design). On other fronts, such as purchase of books that I usually do but sometimes don’t read, all I have to say to my critics is this - my purchases generally reflect my interest (or obsession, if you insist) on educating myself and staying cultured. For example, I would say that reading Niall Ferguson (who happens to be my favorite historian) trumps the reading of the far-cheaper Her World and Simply Her magazines. (Actually this is a veiled jab at someone, but whoever it is doesn’t read my blog, so it’s most likely not a personal attack on anyone who reads this.)

But enough said. I need to get started on Summer Days. Though it isn’t summer yet. But heck.

I’ve not written for some time, primarily because I’ve been distracted by two very very exhilarating computer games, as well as some existential issues. But I guess I need to record down some events of the days past, events that I would want to remember.

Last Thursday, meaning more than one week ago, I did two pretty groundbreaking things (as a personal record). For like the first time I can remember I went out of school for lunch before returning later for activities (went to Pepper Lunch in Ang Mo Kio with Changxing, THEN went down to Kino, and THEN back to school for a Club Alchemy session). After Club Alchemy it was a rush down to Cuppage Plaza where I was supposed to be for a dinner at a ryoutei of sorts (料亭). The president of Honjo Chemical was buying the the three Japan Quiz winners dinner, and the Japanese Cultural Society president was also there with a couple of folks from Naoshima (直島), where we would be staying for a few days in May this year. Also along was a Mr. Thio (the father of one of the girls who was in the same Cambridge event, though she was doing biology), who is an old friend of Mr. Honjo. It was a pretty good dinner (though some of the food items they ordered were positively disgusting - I still have much to learn with respect to authentic Japanese food), and I had just a little too much to drink, but it was a good experience. I remember arguing with Mr. Honjo over the construction industry in Japan (its dominance, wastage and corruption), as well as the general economy of Japan. I guess I overdid it because after a while he just gave up rebutting and just stated that I needed to talk to and listen to people more to find out more about the world. Apparently doing so would smooth out my edges and make me understand that textbook material doesn’t apply very well to the real world. I buy that - I am inexperienced, to be sure - but somehow or other wasting taxpayer money to do useless construction work just to keep people from being unemployed is to me nothing more than inefficient government-mandated charity. I’ll try to keep my mind and ears open - but there’s something of a capitalist zealot in me that can never go away.

Mr. Gan (the JCS president) also outlined several important points regarding our trip. First and foremost, it seems like it’s really going to be a big thing. He mentioned that we have to go down to see the Japanese ambassador in Singapore before our trip (just to say hello, apparently), and he also informed us that we would almost certainly be meeting a minister on our first full day in Japan (the day right after landing), and it would either be the foreign affairs, economy and industry or the prime minister. Of course, assuming that they are free, and there isn’t an election. Apparently there will also be an interview with the Toyo Keizai Shimbun (東洋経済新聞). After we get to Naoshima there’ll also be a need for us to do a presentation on Singapore to the local councilpeople (only one of us has to do it - but if it is in Japanese chances are it’s either me or the lady who works at Shimizu Construction [清水建設]). Two, we get to choose what we want to do, to some extent. I mooted the idea of visiting the secondary school at Naoshima, an idea that both female prize winners also agreed to. So I guess there’s going to be another speech of sorts. I also mentioned that I have motion sickness, so we’ll be doing our fishing on the pier (I felt a little bad about this, but Mr. Honjo helped me out by adding in that taking a boat out takes time, and fishing from an aquaculture farm is a lot easier and more satisfying for beginners). Three, Mr. Gan has also obtained a provisional approval from the airlines (JAL and ANA are sponsoring two tickets each) for a postponement of the return date, but that it most likely has to be before June (meaning latest May 31). Given that we’ll probably be leaving on the 18th it doesn’t leave us with very much time, but it can’t be helped. In any case if the confirmation arrives I guess I’ll be visiting the Otsukas in Saitama 埼玉 (in Ageo City 上尾市), and perhaps Chikako-sensei herself (more on this later).

Mr. Thio also showed us pictures and a video of Naoshima, and it does seem pretty good. I guess it’s worth looking forward to. Mr. Leong (one of the vice-principals of RJC) also gave me approval to take time off school to participate in the trip, but that I would need to submit a letter to the principal as a matter of formality. That’s not an issue, and I’m already letting my teachers know that I’d be skipping the second common test this year as a direct consequence of my exams and the trip right after that. Mr. Thio also showed me a picture of Si Min (actually of her poised to cut her birthday cake) - and I have to admit that she looks better in the picture than she did in person (at least at Cambridge). Or maybe it’s just the occasion. I get the feeling that Mr. Thio’s a pretty dutiful father (and quite adept with technology and perhaps Japanese as well, but that’s not exactly too relevant). And he’s coming along! That’s a comfort, since having an English-speaking Singaporean as a guide is reassuring (since my Japanese is still pretty shabby).

Moving on.

As I’ve already mentioned earlier, my mentor Chikako-sensei will be leaving for home (meaning Nippon) soon, most likely next month. It seems that her husband’s been transfered back home. She’s reluctant to go back (for some reason she really likes life here), but I do sincerely hope she re-adapts to life back there quickly and finds joy in life again. I guess I’ll be missing her pretty badly, but for now I’m already over the shock.

On another note, over the past week or so I’ve been busy playing Civilization IV (and a little of Beyond the Sword, which is one of the expansion packs), as well as this fantastic game called Scarlett. I really can’t praise or exalt Scarlett enough - it’s definitely one of the bestest games I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing. Its story is unparalleled in its scope, and the portrayal of the critical themes in the story - family and ‘ordinary life’ - is done to perfection. It was incredibly emotionally draining to play it (even more so when drunk, which I was), but after I played it I guess something has changed in me. Perhaps it’s a change that won’t bear fruit, but perhaps it might. But in any case, I won’t ever forget about the game. I’ll also try to get my hands on it when I visit Japan this year.

By the way I’m actually at Heidi’s (a classmate of mine - and an ice-skating enthusiast), so I’m busy stuffing myself with all sorts of fattening stuff, as well as getting owned (and owning) poor Changxing with our both horrendous tennis skills.

Looks like it’ll be an interesting day. I only wonder if Ayako-sama is well.

Perhaps music isn’t quite so different from alcohol or drugs after all. The dependency and physiological effects that come with dependency might be weaker, but in essence are the same.

Whenever I close my eyes, my mind’s eye sees Ayako-sama, or Tokyo.

Walking down a street, what I often see is not what is around me, but memories of a different place and time. And the figure of someone I can never reach.

If I dream at all, it is of that faraway place, perhaps with her by my side.

I am exhausted. Trapped between two worlds, trapped between two times, trapped between two sets of obligations, trapped between two sets of attachment.

My very spirit is on the verge of being torn asunder. And so is my heart. My mind feels like it will soon follow them.

I choked with tears of pride as I spied a plaque on the wall of a subway station, bearing with it the flag that captures my imagination and hopes. Pride in that the nation has done something worthy of history, pride in that the nation is still capable of great things.

Longing, yearning, dreaming. I wander through my days beset by illusions, dreams that seem more real than life, motivated only by the prospect of eventual escape.

Yet on this night, I seriously contemplate breaking this limbo by freeing my self from the temporal.

Silently, alone. With nothing but memories, and perhaps hopeless yearning by my side.

Yes, I am indeed in Siam, and miraculously I managed to connect to a wireless network from my room (now typing on my trusty 日章パソコン). Brilliant, am I not?

Anyway I’m participating in some random archery tournament organised by Kasetsart University, some random private university in Bangkok, the Thai capital. The actual tournament location is the school rugby field, which is in some random district called Bang Khen. Our accomodations (some zero star hotel with some really guailan name) are in the same district, just one very busy street without traffic lights away from a , which means we risk our lives every time we cross the bloody road to get to civilization.

I’ve lost my passport (yes the one with the lion and the tiger on it, unfortunately), and it looks like my computer needs a system recovery.

GREAT.

Just in case if anyone’s wondering what the hell I’ve been up to, I’ve been busy trying to get my Pasokon to work.

Bought new parts yesterday and fixed them up but most of my programs aren’t functioning properly. And Windows is nagging me about getting it activated but my number’s already registered. This basically means I’m screwed.

Not that it’s news. But I do worry about completing some of the tasks I’ve been instructed to do. Sigh.

I posted TWICE using my handphone earlier yesterday, but it seems that they didn’t get through. Oh well.

This is of course pretty late, but best wishes to most people. Okay fine, all.

I was going to do a reflectory post, but I guess I’ll save that for another time.