Picking up the pieces
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006Well, school starts in a little more than 3 hours’ time (when I started writing this post). Instead of saying that I am getting end-of-holidays blues, it would be more correct to say that I haven’t quite recovered from the shock of my very lifestyle this whole period we call ‘holidays’.
The first week wasn’t much. Just slacking around and wowing a little, with the rude surprise of having realized (almost way too late) that the UN thingy was on the second week. The second week was spent preparing for the thingy and trying not to fall asleep in the midst of insanely boring debates, though there were several distractions. When the dream really began was when I stepped through the automatic glass doors into Terminal One of Singapore’s Changi International Airport on early Friday morning, the second week.
The ten/eleven days that followed, were quite likely the happiest continuous stretch of time I have ever spent in my life. Going on holiday is good enough, but to go specifically on a shopping trip in the birthplace of the Otaku and the center of the Japanese and anome world, that was unmatched. Come to think of it, I got more of a kick out of LOOKING AT, CHOOSING, and BUYING CDs instead of actually listening to them. Same goes for the kazillion tons of merchandise I lugged across the South China Sea and the Pacific Ocean back here.
Well it wouldn’t have been quite as fun if not for the fact that I was travelling with Changxing, a two-time veteran of the Imperial Capital (forgive me, I just watched Sakura Taisen 「サクラ大戦」), and the fact that we went to see things that were actually interesting to otakus and their apprentices. Sure Hakone (箱根) is kind of a detour but an outdoor hot spring (a little like, but still different from the Love Hina version) was still an interesting experience. And I learnt that Japanese ice cream vendors/vending machines/mechas LOVE to advertise the temperature of their propellant ice cream (eg. -10C, -25C).
Seems quite irrelevant at this hour, especially since I have barely done any holiday homework, and havent started packing something resembling a schoolbag.
But never mind.
I suppose I have to pick up the pieces this semester like I always did, but it does seem that with each advancing year I stumble more, as well as START AND END with more baggage, physical and emotional.
The time I spent in Japan was perhaps the longest continuous period of emotional and psychological peace I have had in three years. Now that it has ended, I revert more or less back to my former self. I’ll ultimately end up crying over some scene in some anime rather than over my undone homework and failed tests. And I’m already in high school. Brilliant.
Of late, I often think about a certain female. I would suppose that’s normal given my age and gender, especially if she does seem attractive (at least to me). Well as to my actual feelings I am not quite sure yet, but she (or at least the thought of her) has inspired me in no small way. Perhaps when I am calmer and better prepared I’ll convert that inspiration into something. And I’ll continue to hope that I’ll someday be able to meet her and have something resembling a normal conversation in private. But at this moment, I am harboring no illusions. Well, only in daydreams (and on one occasion an actual dream).
If I ever put the inspiration her existence has granted to use, perhaps I’ll be able to discern my true feelings for her then.