私の生きた証拠

“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far” - Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States.

Somehow as I was getting lectured by my mum on various things (some which are understandably too embarrassing to recount here), this occurred to me.

I think I get the gist of what she was trying to say, but that alone’s probably not enough.

Hence,

I shall complain less, and do more productive work for a change.

As punishment I shall not listen to Ayako-sama’s songs for the rest of tonight.

Tomorrow’s the chemistry paper. And of course I haven’t really studied for it. I know I’m fairly smart but trying to do maybe half a year’s work in a few days is a stretch even for me. So… I shall spend a little time talking about random things.

Even as the exam period rages, my brain hasn’t exactly ceased activity altogether. Actually exams are kind of fun (except the part about having them count; especially for subjects I’m not exactly fantastic in). But then again, I probably died for the Japanese essay component, having written a very lecture-y piece on why going to university constitutes a contract with society, blah blah blah, with overly elementary grammar to boot. The content itself’s interesting, by my reckoning, but given the way content’s typically graded (i.e. as Zhong Zhong so aptly puts it, the grading’s “Communist“)… Oh well.

I originally intended to comment a little on my intellectual sojourns (and record down some thoughts about Ayako-sama), but since time’s sort of short, I shall leave that for tomorrow.

A random quiz I koped off Jodie’s blog.

(more…)

I hereby declare my candidacy for a position in the Raffles Junior College Mugging Club.

May Ayako-sama be praised for being responsible in seeing me safely through an arduous (well-deserved, to be sure, but still arduous) night of project work.

Yet another night I spend alone in my room. Throughout my activities, there is always a voice in my head, an image in my mind.

Time may speed or ooze by, but she still remains with me. No matter where I go, or what I do, she’s always right by me. Inside of me.

Her presence calms me. It doesn’t make me productive or anything, but just sensing her presence makes everything tolerable, even comfortable. Sometimes I feel as if I need nothing else. The very image of her features, her voice, or the stirring notes that exist by virtue of her mind and hand - they are really all I need.

Perhaps one might call this dependence. I won’t deny it - I cannot fancy spending a day, or even an hour without her presence, at least in the confines of my mind. She is all that it takes to make the torturous merely painful, the painful tolerable, the tolerable comfortable, and the comfortable sheer bliss.

I don’t ask for much. But I need her. If not just for now, perhaps for a long time. Or always.

That more or less describes my current state. What with struggling to register for JLPT in Japan (and having to trouble at least two very very very good people who are going WAAAY overboard in helping me… >.< ) and digging around for chem notes and preventing the shelf from collapsing on me and such it’s been a hectic time.

Didn’t even have the time or energy to sit down and blog about the YMCA event. A quick summary: took a group of 6 girls from Kumamoto around parts of the city (Wisma Atria, Ngee Ann City, Esplanade), while trying not to lose them in the crowds with Jonathan and two SP girls (pretty nice people too, just that they couldn’t really speak Japanese, leaving Jon and I to do most of the talking). It went well, and though the people didn’t exactly listen to my perfunctory welcome speech (written agonizingly in pretty polite Japanese) I sort of expected it so it was fine.

Otherwise… Managed to submit my application at JCS just in time for the Singapore administration. Had to rush home to get passport photographs after they suddenly told me that printed-out stuff can’t be used (but in Japan it’s fine - WTF???). For the Japanese side, my late response to my mentor’s very kind father led him to go around asking for image modification (since the photograph can’t have a colorful background - and I happened to have the map of Japan behind me due to my bedroom layout and the tripod position - it’s a complicated thing to explain). I feel really bad for causing him so much trouble. (I shall try not to place any blame on the JENESYS people who are organizing the free trip.) And speaking of the free trip, Melissa Lim wants CCA teachers to give RECOMMENDATIONS. That means I’m 100% screwed. I’m not even sure my CCA teachers know I exist (they probably don’t). Unless I ask Mr. Cheong (my Samurai-Champloo-loving [an exceedingly rare quality in a teacher I must say] GP teacher) who HAPPENS to be the astronomy club teacher-in-charge (where I am no leader and unfortunately happened to miss the last pre-promo session because I overslept), I’m going to get at most vague, if not downright uncomplimentary remarks. I only hope Shioya-sensei is inclined to save my ass (though he doesn’t exactly have a good reason to, I admit). Maybe I shall study even more Japanese (from the school material) to make sure I have my bases covered (and my conscience eased).

Otherwise… I just ordered a new Tainaka Sachi CD. I think I might actually succeed in my grand strategy of collecting EVERY CD she ever releases (without opening the seal on any of them). It’s just a question of whether I go bankrupt (or die) first. Did I mention I ordered a new Kawasumi Ayako-sama CD? I could probably buy it when (or rather, IF) I return to Japan for a quick stretch this year, but I don’t want to leave too many things to chance. Yep.