私の生きた証拠

Apparently I fell asleep on the chair last night and somehow woke up and made my way to the bed where I lay dead to the world for over eight hours.

This has to stop somehow. I can’t afford to keep falling asleep at the chair before finishing (or at least doing some of) my work. The chair’s comfortable, but I’ve generally proven myself to be capable of falling asleep just about anytime anywhere (and unlike Yakumo I can’t afford to do so, and like her there isn’t any one to wake me up (though the reasons are pretty different).

Something’s got to be wrong. Is it the air circulation? That’s a possibility considering that the air conditioner’s on just about every minute I spend in the room (plus some of the time I am not inside), and if that’s the case I’m screwed, since unlike rich kids (won’t mention names here, but I know too many of them) I can’t afford to change an air conditioner. On the other hand, I can’t very well turn it off since the temperatures in Singapore are unbearable year-round, and the air circulation will be badly impaired due to the nature of modifications made to the walls. Still, if I allow this problem to persist the consequences are likely to be dire.

However, it is interesting to note that people of my age are technically supposed to get eight to nine hours of sleep (no citations; when it’s not PW I REFUSE to consider citations), but the average (from casual polls around the class and other people) seems to hover at around 60-70% of that figure. Essentially, everybody lacks sleep.

The pressures of the basic school life (RJC style, no less, but still the basic) are already formidable for many, but the bundle of straw (there aren’t single straws here - all your work collapses on you in a pile, never little by little) that really breaks the back would be club involvement. Travelling time (which doesn’t really apply to me but the walk home usually leaves me demoralized and exhausted for inexplicable reasons) is also a factor, and coupled with the sheer attractiveness of this cursed site time spent at home is generally guaranteed to be unproductive. Of late I’ve been spending more time on work, only to have my sleeping hours spiral out of control (albeit too much of it - or by recommended levels, acceptable).

Essentially, to be a good student and get into a good college, sleeping ENOUGH is NOT recommended. If you’re going to this school for anything other medicine, then it’s a completely different ball game. In that case, get all the sleep you want - you’ll regret it if you don’t.

Got the little panel-like thingy I had longed for. It’s basically a list of the top-ranked tracks by number of times listened to in the previous week.

Check out my profile.

Thanks to papmech for assistance with the installation. His profile seems interesting too. ^^

Yesterday night (or to be more precise, August 25) was the annual Summer Festival organised by the Japanese Association in Singapore. I went, of course (with my school fellows), and we generally had a good time. It wasn’t a time without much reflection, an activity which also occupied me as I toured the grounds of the Japanese Cemetery at Serangoon.

As I walked among the mostly-forgotten gravestones of my forebears, I felt a crippling sense of emptiness, no doubt amplified by the deadly silence of the place. The weathered engraving is but all too a stark a reminder of how fleeting human existence is - and how the proof of a life once lived - and all to much, suffered - could be erased by time, unfeeling and ignorant as it flows by. They have proven to be more endurable than other measures, but even gravestones fade - and eventually topple, and crumble.

I’ll be returning. It’s just a question of when.

*

On the subject of reflections, I probably have more to say.

I mentioned this before, and somehow or other, a cascading sequence of events have left me questioning some of the most ‘certain’ things I have known thus far. I always thought I loved science. Or specifically, research for that matter. But now I realize that that might not be perfectly true after all. Thinking seriously about it now, I cannot quite understand the great fuss (or passion) about it. As it turns out, whatever I’ve done thus far in that field might have at least some part to do with testimonial building.

Do I feel guilty about that? Yes, and no. Why yes, if everyone does at least some things to some extent for the sake of their testimonials and records? I don’t exactly have a very good response to that. Perhaps its because I somehow feel it’s dishonest? That it’s just ‘wrong’? I don’t know for sure. But I would daresay that the answer is something along those lines.

I’ll be perfectly honest here. I fear for my testimonial right now (though there’s seldom been a moment when I actually stopped fearing for it, at most forgetting about the issue for brief periods of time). I fear that I’ll leave school having contributed nothing, gained nothing, and worse of all, DONE nothing.

What am I doing? One way of looking at it is that I’m doing practically half a dozen big things (external to basic academics). Another way is that I am not doing anything, because I’m either stalling or just wasting time. Both are probably correct. Is light a wave or a stream of particles? If you say that it’s vibration in the 11th dimension then tell me what describes my activities? (I just don’t agree with string theory - but then again I no longer fancy myself all that much as a physics enthusiast).

What do I really want to do? Which college do I really want to go to? What should I be doing? What do I want? What don’t I want? What shouldn’t I be doing?

Must I really go to school?

It’s official.

I’m thinking more about Ayako-sama than any other single person (or thing) [excepting the word or concept of ‘I’] in any given time frame, in terms of frequency and time spent.

While this pleases the fanboy in me, my student side despairs. For even in exams she appears in my head.

It’s not exactly fair to her (since she definitely didn’t ask for this), but it’s pretty disturbing. And troubling. I’m not sure as to what to do. After all, she’s fourteen years older than I am, living in a completely different world, and hopefully quite happy as she is.

I can’t really do anything else but to think of her often, and fervently hope for her happiness, in whatever form it may take.

This song is exemplary of Hata Aki’s [畑亜貴] style - extremely vague lyrics laden with imagery and pretty much incomprehensible.

To be honest, I wanted to give up on it, but I persisted with it for three reasons:

1. It’s a great learning opportunity - which would be even better if someone actually comments on the word choices I’ve made. I’m looking forward to that. Emails sent directly to me are fine too.
2. I’m not sure if it’ll ever get translated if I don’t do it (at least for some time). I’ve seen popular songs without translations for long periods of time (maybe even years).
3. This may sound silly, but I just want to finish something I started. Unlike many of the projects I have hanging around in midair.

For once I have to confess that I am not sure if this effort is exactly stellar - but all I can claim is that I did my best, and that I’m confident it’s not as bad as it can be (whether it can be better is a question for debate. I can’t decide objectively). Scant consolation, but…

宵待雨月(よいまちうづき)
四方茉莉イメージソング
TVアニメ「sola」キャラクターイメージソングアルバム「oratorio」より

歌：結城アイラ
作詞：畑 亜貴
作編曲：末廣健一郎

(more…)

I was just wondering if I should do a comprehensive series of translation notes for my work, since sometimes the decisions I make in the choice of words or expression (or even between differing interpretations) seem to be quite arbitrarily done unless one goes through the entire agonizing process of checking multiple dictionaries and consulting examples. It’ll take much effort though, but perhaps doing so might actually lead me to reconsider certain choices, and make new ones (hopefully for the better). Since translation is by now my only hobby I might as well do a better job of it if I can, but still, I am undecided as it would imply that I would have to spend more time on it.

I do need a second (and third and fourth) opinion on my choice of words, to be honest. Nothing quite clears up vague ideas or uncertainty as much as a spirited argument, as far as my experience for this goes. It’s just that as of now only one person I know is sufficiently practised in this whole business, and he’s probably too caught up in other matters to assist. Akai, Bjorn and the rest of the crowd are pretty willing to help, but sometimes I do wish for an expert opinion - but I don’t wish to subject my work to forum-style evaluation (it’s got something to do with my personal beliefs, which I don’t feel like elaborating here). Looks like I don’t exactly have much in the way of options.

I think I shall leave the post untitled because I’m not exactly sure what would be best for it.

I was just reminded of how much Ayako-sama’s 「patch of blue sky」 means to me when I turned it on in Winamp. To date I would say that it has already surpassed the magic that was 「THANATOS」 (Neon Genesis Evangelion; instrumental), or 「知らない空」 (Chobits or Rie-sama, depending on your view; vocal).

But that might not be an entirely accurate expression. After all, all 3 pieces would broadly correspond to three phases of my life (albeit somewhat arbitrary in their boundaries). I can no more write the previous two off just because 「patch of blue sky」 is what represents me now.

On another note, it has begun to dawn on me that the responsibilities of one acquainted with history are burdensome, to say the least. When people question me about the Pacific War I often have no idea how to respond. Should I defend, or vilify the countrymen of mine who have done the other nations of East Asia such great injustice? How will I account for it to my current countrymen (many of whom know little of the issue) or to my descendants? How would my biological ancestors respond? How about my spiritual ones? With what views or beliefs should I go on? Unlike those who fired those questions at me, I have been to the much-cursed Yasukuni Shrine - and if it is one thing I am certain of, that is I will not allow the peoples of East Asia to show disrespect to the millions of honorable men (and women) who have perished for the motherland under conditions that even victims of wartime atrocities in Southeast Asia cannot comprehend. For in that shrine lies testament not only to the mistakes, but also the spirit, and sacrifice displayed by my forebears, though the ’cause’ for which they fought was unmistakably a misled and meaningless one.

I will not offer any apologies for the Shrine and what it stands for. But atrocities are another thing, and I would behoove all the PRCs not to forget what their own Communist government has done to its OWN people.

Did this sometime in England. Just completed the touchup and formatting (the Word on my notebook has a major problem with line spacings; gotta get it sorted out. >.<) Until I started looping this song in England I thought the only D.C. song I liked was Andante, but this isn't bad at all, as far as songs go, though it isn't quite as good as Andante.

そよ風のハーモニー
「D.C.P.S.～ダ・カーポ～ プラスシチュエーション キャラクターイメージソング Vol.1」より
TVアニメ「D.C. ～ダ・カーポ～」挿入歌

歌：白河ことり（堀江由衣）
作詞：rino
作曲：rino
編曲：大久保薫

Soyokaze no Harmony [The Harmony of the Breeze]
From “D.C.P.S. ～Da Capo Plus Situation～ Character Image Song Vol. 1”
TV Anime “Da Capo” Insert Song

Vocal: Shirakawa Kotori (Horie Yui)
Lyrics: rino
Composition: rino
Arrangement: Ookubo Kaoru

(more…)

I sure took my time with this. I didn’t realize it was 95% complete, so I touched it up a little. I only JUST realized that someone already has one version up on Animelyrics.tv. Fortunately I’m pretty confident that it’s more polished, so I decided to upload this anyway.

I can’t exactly remember when in the show the song was played, but I’m pretty it was a rather emotional scene. I like Hitomi (the Kuroishi version) too - ever since I heard her songs from the PLANETES soundtrack. When I return to Japan this year I’ll see if I can track down some of the first presses in Akihabara - unopened ones if possible.

TVアニメ「コードギアス 反逆のルルーシュ」挿入歌
Masquerade
Words & music by 黒石ひとみ

TV Anime “Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion” Insert Song
Masquerade
Words & music by Kuroishi Hitomi

(more…)

Actually that’s not exactly true. I’m back, without the tea, chocolates or the sweater I meant to buy. Damn it.

Anyway I’m like listening to the new Nogawa Sakura (野川さくら) album, Kazeiro Renpu (風色恋譜), which you can purchase here. I am not exactly a rabid fan but I’ve always tried to pay attention to her ever since I discovered what I consider to be her best song to date, Do your dream.

There’s actually a pattern to the way I listen to songs. There are usually a couple of long-term favorites that I stick to for extended periods. So far that spot has been held by only a few singers and groups, among them Tanaka Rie (田中理恵), ROUND TABLE featuring Nino, and Kawasumi Ayako (川澄綾子) [who currently holds this spot]. These groups may not necessarily be the top-ranked for a given week, but over a period of at least 4 weeks or so consistently they do rank in the top 2 or 3. Next would be the weekly favorites, which are too numerous to list. Generally for singers like Nogawa Sakura they’d normally occupy the top weekly spot (or top few) for just a while, which typically comes with a new album or single, after which I’ll like semi-forget them until they have a new release. Nevertheless these singers are definitely good by my definition, as are the top 40 places or so on my all-time listings, in general.

On a related note, I’ve also noticed a particular composer/arranger by the name of Ookubo Kaoru (yes it doesn’t look very nice but that’s how I write his name in romaji for my song translations) [大久保薫]. His pieces are generally good (even close to outstanding), so I’ll be sort of looking out for them. I’d also like to take this opportunity to comment that Hata Aki [畑　亜貴] writes extremely impenetrable lyrics, as if she hates English or maybe just people like me (who try our darnedest to translate accurately). Oh well. It’s always a challenge to translate her works, but I’m a little sick of trying to make sense out of lines that seem to go ’stack our hearts in the clouds’ or something similar when translated literally…