私の生きた証拠

I am seriously exhausted now. Weekends are seldom time for me to get any rest. After over half a waking day of combat, I skipped tuition, but I was still too drained to do much. After waking sort of late today i barely did any revision before going for Japanese. And even so I was like dozing off in class. After coming back from a late dinner I am so spent that I can hardly sit up straight. And after struggling for a few hours with some damned work I am ready to give up.

Maybe I never quite got any rest during the holidays. Going to Japan can’t really be considered rest since I did a lot of stuff there and immediately upon returning I slipped into depression for a bit. Oh well.

I need to stop spending time I should be spending on sleeping on anime and I need to somehow maintain sufficient energy levels to do my work when i am awake.

I’m sick to death of living in exhaustion. It’s not doing me the least good. Maybe I should take a day off and walk around or something. Computer overuse is definitely not good for the eyes and health. Whatever.

I need to find something to do…

Well, I haven’t been doing all that much. I’m still struggling with homework and related matters, and I haven’t really done much productive stuff anyway.

That aside, I’m been sleeping substantially more than I have before, but I am still really really tired more often than not. I guess its a problem that can’t be fixed.

Today, I suffered the most crushing defeat I have in perhaps years. For the first time in my humanities career the team I was a member of failed to qualify for the finals of a competition. Though it really bothers me, but I have not been dishonored. Still, in defense of not only my own, and that of my comrades, I am still duty-bound to preserve the school’s honor. To this end, I shall attempt, sometime later, to seek redress for the events that had transpired today.

In any case, I resolve never to study humanities at NUS.

OMG!!!

I am feeling EXCEEDINGLY pleased with myself right now.

Why?

I CLEARED MY PHONE OF MOST OF MY OLD MESSAGES ZOMG WTF!!!

THIRTY MEGABYTES WORTH. My fingers are numb now but HECK.

MUAHAAHAHAAA

That’s something I’m doing more than a little of these days. In fact, I spend most of my waking hours daydreaming. I even find myself wishing lessons would end quickly so I could get back to daydreaming in peace - and naturally I barely absorb anything from the lesson.

On a slightly separate note, I’m currently in the midst of a little translation project for Hashimoto Miyuki’s 秋色 (Shuushoku), and good lord it’s no joke. 95% of the difficulty comes from deciding where to split a line in terms of meaning, and how to order the words around so the ideas are expressed clearly in English.

Nothing much else is going on, actually. Back to daydreaming for me now, I guess…

Hmm, I just turned 16 a few minutes ago. Happy birthday myself. Lol.

Well, it’s not terribly Japanese to celebrate one’s birthday (as of the time of Sakura Taisen), but I guess now it doesn’t really matter.

Things are changing so fast. Every year of age I gain I feel older, wiser, and generally sadder.

Maybe it’s time to reverse the trend.

Humans need a purpose they believe in, meaningful or otherwise, real or otherwise, to live with vigour and spirit. I suppose I have found mine, which I hope will sustain me for at least a while.

I realized that up till now, I haven’t really been living life the way I want to. Perhaps its time to. Rather than let circumstances shape my path, I’d prefer to do it myself.

Perhaps the only way to be happy is to be happy with what you have and not to seek happiness. To be able to feel the throbbing pain of longing and unfulfilment is far superior than the pain of an existential crisis, is it not? People might ultimately be hopelessly solitary and alone, but there are times when such a pain is eased, or forgotten, by the presence of others. I take delight in the simple pleasures of life, seeking only the sound of Horie Yui’s or others’ voices, a well-made video, a well-drawn picture, a good meal, or even a decent conversation. I can’t really honestly say life is bad at all without being an outright liar.

 Well that’s all for now. Good morning, people.

I seriously wonder if the idea itself is half-baked, or if its just me and the non-existent of air conditioning in my surroundings.

Boy I am too tired even to type out the bloody rubrics in an attempt to show you how retarded they are.

Of COURSE I am talking about the English portfolio.

I’d actually prefer writing Chinese essays but don’t let her know…

I need to get a good grip of myself. This Otaku-ness is getting unbearable. I’m never gonna graduate from college at this rate!!!

And really, I have been fingering and fondling my copy (FIRST PRESS LIMITED EDITION NO LESS) of Horie Yui’s album, ’sky’, and flipping through the photo album once every 30 minutes or so for the past couple of days. I need to quit that; it’s getting disturbing even to me, the person doing all those things.

I bought August’s issue of the Shounen Ace magazine, which comes with a special HARUHI SUMMER FAN!!! It’s smaller than the standard form factor but its not as if I’m going to use it, so never mind…

Gotta have to fork out a LOT of money for that pocket watch… *drools* I’m gonna junk my wristwatch in favor of that if I ever get my hands on one… but… it’s 5714 yen, not counting a load of extra charges…

BAH.

Whatever.