私の生きた証拠

I returned to look at the PvP rankings for Detheroc. There are many names on the front page, some familiar, most not.

It brought back many memories, to be honest. I loved my character, Yakumo. As my first level 60, she held a special place in my heart. In addition to that, I have made some truly rewarding relationships in the game that even now I reminisce about, and treasure.

It’s a game, you might say. Granted; WoW is but a game. But to many of the players, WoW is more than a game. WoW is but another part of our life. Another life, if you will. A life in a fantasy world where everything is but a graphic on the screen, yet the thoughts and feelings behind those seemingly comical 3-d sprites on the screen are yet very real.

It is indeed in WoW I experienced some of the happiest, and the most depressing moments in my life. And almost all of these special moments took place on Detheroc. Even now, I miss my old life on Detheroc, and my old friends. I may not have met them even once in real life and generally talked about nothing other than game-related things, but I am/was truly fond of them, as they were/are of me.

I will never really forget them, as I believe, and hope, they will never truly forget me completely. Life is fragile and ephemeral, and to be remembered after we’re gone is perhaps the most successful thing we have accomplished in lifetimes. Yes, it may not matter anymore when we’re truly gone, but to us, while we’re alive, the knowledge that we will not be forgotten when we’re gone is a great comfort, isn’t it?

 Guess the song playing in the background right now. If you know me well, the answer should be obvious. It’s 「闇を越えて」.

I have the option of returning to Detheroc anytime. After all, it is but a matter of clicking a few buttons. But somehow, I don’t want to return. To disappear forever and completely is what I believe to be a better end, than to return and to haunt myself with fresh memories.

I don’t know how to end this post. I’ll just end here, for lack of a better choice.

I hardly notice the passage of time these days. For some reason, time seems to have lost its meaning.

I will not attempt to hide, nor deny that I am very screwed up at the moment. Despite the comfortable option of WoWing, I have taken to much brooding and reflection.

I had taken to watching Memoirs of A Geisha, and above all, I loved this quotation:

“We must not expect happiness, Sayuri. It is not something we deserve. When life goes well, it is a sudden gift; it cannot last forever…”

That’s it for now.

For no apparent reason, I was rolling around in agony yesterday night when I heard strains of the soundtrack from the movie 「今、会いにゆきます」. Ever since, I have been hearing it in my head over and over again…

Well I am up and about at the moment.

Listening to 「予感」 by 高橋洋子　(Takahashi Youko) at the moment.

I’m feeling pretty good actually, other than that bothersome pain.

 Trying to do work…… But failing at it somewhat.

Oh well.

Apparently…

I am having a condition where my stomach bulges and irritates other internal organs through friction or whatnot. Basically, it means a shitload of pain and no real way to stop it. Taking FIVE types of medication now… And it means I’m probably not going to die. What a pity.

Of course, that’s but a small matter.

TOP TEN SCHOOL RUMBLE GIRLS WTF.

WTF.At the moment I am having a constitutional ideological OK WHATEVER SOME SORT OF CRISIS. I have no idea who I prefer - Eri (沢近愛理) or Yakumo (塚本八雲).

Well, you must bear in mind that I have a limited edition of a certain Yakumo figurine, and I JUST ordered an Eri one…

But I don’t have Eri for my small figurine collection where there’s a Yakumo…

Bah. Maybe I do prefer Yakumo slightly.

But Mikoto (周防美琴) rocks too!!!

But that’s for another time. xD

Yakumo rocks.

Really.

Ok I don’t know what the hell I did but I am suffering from rather severe chest pains.

Or rather, for most of the day and yesterday too.

Argh.

I’m screwed.

If its thrombosis I can practically go GG anytime.

And it’ll be the last you’ll see of me. (Happy right? I share your joy, actually)

Bah.

Despite my vast knowledge, occasions in which I lack knowledge of a specific concept arise frequently. Out of curiosity, I hit up a search on Google for ‘melancholy’, and the Princeton web dictionary gave the following answer: